This is a collaborative post.
It’s not easy learning how to be single again, especially if you’re coming out of a long relationship. The whole process of adjusting to ‘me,’ not ‘we,’ can be a little difficult to stomach in itself, but the thought of getting back out there and going on dates, with a brand new person? That can almost have us running back to our ex.
At some point, however, it’s important to overcome these feelings and get back out there. While it can be difficult to imagine, going on dates — and perhaps even dating someone new — really can make moving on from the breakup more straightforward. It’s a reminder that you’re capable of having a fun and fulfilling life without your ex by your side.
Does that knowledge make dating again a walk in the park? No — but the handy tips we’ve outlined below should help.
How to Start Dating Again After a Breakup
Make Sure You’re Ready
Some people are overly cautious when it comes to going on new dates. Others are a little too gung-ho. If you’ve only been single for a few days, then you’re probably not ready to go on a date. Actually, we’ll just say it straight: you’re not ready. You may wish to make your ex jealous or prove to yourself that moving on will be a doddle, but it’ll be better — for you and whoever you were planning to go on a date with — to take some time to heal from the relationship. Once you’ve recovered and reconnected with yourself, then you can think about dating.
Go Slow
It can be a little scary to get back into the dating world, but remember that it’s not an ‘all or nothing’ arrangement. No one’s saying that you need to find your next great love now. So take it slow. You’ll find that it’s less stressful — and more enjoyable — if you don’t put any pressure on yourself. Maybe you’ll start with a couple of casual coffee dates, or even speak with a chatbot to refamiliarise yourself with how to talk with potential romantic partners. You can always ramp things up later once you’re in the swing of things, but at the beginning, keep things slow and steady.
Make it About Discovery
You might eventually go on dates with the sole intention of finding a partner, but when you’re just starting to go on dates again, it’s best to take a different approach. Using your dates — and any connections you form — as a way to discover more about yourself and the world not only enhances your understanding of who you are and what you want but can also open up your eyes to different ways of doing things. It’s generally a good idea to go into anything with an open mind, and that principle very much applies when you’re getting back into the dating pool after a long time in a committed relationship.
This approach ensures that you’ll get at least something out of the dates you go on. Maybe you learn more about what you want (or don’t want) from a partner, or you might gain a friend.
Forget Your Ex
Even though you’ve broken up, you’ll likely see the world through the lens of your relationship, especially when you’re going on dates with someone new.
As such, it can be tempting to compare the person you’re dating with your ex-partner, but that’s best avoided. Even if you’re doing so in a way that’s complementary to the new person, you’ll still be failing to see them for who they really are. Instead, you’re just seeing them within the context of your ex.
If you find that you can’t avoid doing this, or that you’re judging your new partners because they’re not as amazing as your idealised version of your ex, then it’ll be best to leave the dating pool for a while and continue the healing process. Spend a little time focusing on yourself, then try again.
Keep Things Light and Fun
Finally, remember to keep things light and fun. Dating can be serious, but usually only when you’re several months down the line and you’re having conversations about what you both want. In the early days, dating should be all about having a good time. Plan some fun dates, keep the date casual and easygoing, and try to enjoy yourself — if you do that, then not only will you discover that the dating world is nowhere nearly as scary as it’s made out to be, but you’ll also be subtly increasing the chances of finding your next great partner.
Read more: Single this Summer? How To Build Up The Confidence To Try Dating
